How Much Can’t Can I Even: Juicy Couture review extravaganza

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     Are you a fan of kitschy packaging? Do you find yourself reaching for your velour jumpsuit more often than you’d like to admit? Is your “Recently Played” playlist a combination of Madonna and Britney Spears? Then I have news for you, and I say this as your friend: you might be basic.

     The evolution of the word “basic” is an interesting one. What was once an innocent adjective now carries negative connotations of being predictable, unsophisticated, and unnoteworthy. To be called basic is a kiss of death to any aspiring hipster. I’m fairly sure Instagram will even terminate your account if determined to be too basic.

     Now, it wouldn’t be if I didn’t somehow tie this seemingly random chain of thought to perfume. I might be a bit shallow myself for making the connection, but when I think of the perfume that every girl in the world seems to gravitate towards at some point in her life it has to be from Juicy Couture. This brand started in the mid 90’s as a maternity clothing line, which ended up going supernova after the aforementioned pop stars endorsed it in the early 2000’s. They became known for their comfortable yet glam outfits that cost a pretty penny, and in 2006 decided to capitalize on their popularity with a mainstream signature scent. Juicy Couture became an instant success, and with every new instalment since they captured the hearts of suburban teens across America (think of it like the more expensive, feminine Axe).

© Gil Segev 2016

© Gil Segev 2016

     The problem for Juicy Couture was always, and still very much is, sustainability. You can only throw so many flankers at a customer before she grows out of the girly packaging and sweet scents. This also applies to their seperate clothing line, which has been sold off so many times I can’t keep track any longer. The perfumes are currently marketed by Elizabeth Arden, and get discontinued at a frightening pace.

     Today I want to talk about three Juicy scents that never got the attention they deserve, otherwise known as the only three I can stand. All three came from, which is an online shopping portal for discount perfume and makeup. These fragrances, which retail for upwards of $89 each, can be found on for as little as $16 – that’s about 82% savings for you. The best part is everything is 100% genuine and backed with a great return policy. Make sure to check them out at the banner links to find your own favourite scents for less.

© Gil Segev 2016

© Gil Segev 2016

     The first perfume in today’s arsenal is Hollywood Royal, introduced in 2015 to provide a “modern twist” to the original scent. I have to admit I was suckered in by the ludicrously cheesy packaging. I mean, come on! Gorgeous, slim glass decorated with gold stars and topped with a glitter galaxy crystal cap. How beautiful! This is what Sweet 16 dreams are made of. The fragrance itself is inspired by Hollywood “it girls,” whatever that means. I get a really solid pear note from Hollywood Royal in the top, which mixes perfectly with romantic jasmine in the heart. I was excited for the proposed candy apple and marshmallow base, but all I get is a nice sour/sweet vanilla note. It’s girly without being sickening, a really nice “special occasion” perfume for a younger girl, like parties and dates. Perfect as a gift, too, and lasts well.

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What’s that hiding in the bushes? Why, it’s Juicy Couture Malibu! If you’re California-dreaming like I am but can’t quite justify a boarding pass, this might be the next best thing. Going back to 2013, this one was inspired by Los Angeles’s vibrancy. The sense of freedom and glamour is channelled in the advertising, and neon orange palm trees decorate the bottle. Thankfully, the hideous plastic heart around the neck of the flacon pops right off. Malibu opens with a delicious passion fruit, mandarin orange, and watermelon combo that smells like a picnic. It’s rather heavy on the tuberose and the musk, which lend it a clean and soapy kind of freshness. I think this one is best suited for cooler weather, and those who are looking for a wearable yet “quiet” perfume.

© Gil Segev 2016

© Gil Segev 2016

     Finally, who can forget the absolutely brilliant Couture Couture? First brought out in 2009, it’s a veteran compared to the last two. It’s been there, done that, and got the T-shirt. Couture Couture, with its urn-like bottle and impressive mast of a cap, is possibly my favourite Juicy ever. It opens with almost a straight-up artificial grape juice smell, the kind all the kids from 90’s grew up on before GMO’s and food dyes became a thing. You get a helping of orange flower in the heart, then smooth sandalwood in the base. It’s a fruit-lover’s heaven, a delictible perfume in an equally tasty package.

     Now I want to know: are you more of a HollywoodMalibu, or Couture Couture person? I find myself gravitating to the first and the last most of all. What other Juicy Couture scents should I try in the future?

*Prices true at time of writing.

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